My cousin passed away last month. A very special lady that meant the world to me, she was always closer than a cousin. More like an aunt I'd say. Anyway, while everything was going on I found out a lot of stuff about her oldest daughter, lets call her Sheila (for posting purposes). Seems Sheila is a cocaine addict. The saddest part is she has 4 kids to think about, but they seem to be the farthest thing from her mind. My dad was telling her daughter Shawna how much she looks like her mom, and it upset her pretty bad. She said "please don't tell me that, I hate my mother". This from a 12 year old who is currently living with her aunt Amy because her mom didn't want her there. Sheila couldn't even be bothered to travel to Michigan for the burial, of her own mother! Sheila also has an older son who'll graduate this year, a 7 year old, and a baby. I can remember when she used to be a nice person. She's now turned into a selfish person that I'm ashamed to admit is part of my family. She can't even pull herself together right now when the family needs one another the most. She let her sister Amy make ALL of the funeral and burial arrangements, thank god Amy had her life partner Tina there for her because her sister is such a piece of work. Amy and Tina took care of her mom as she was dying of cancer, Sheila only came to see her 3 times. I'm still so sad about my cousin, and I know how disappointed she would be with Sheila. I don't think she knew about the drugs. I wish I could help, but I'm so far away. I really hope her children's fathers get custody... some people just shouldn't reproduce at all.

Lily, it's really hard when there are children involved. Sheila has some issues that will bite her in her butt later on down the line. Whether or not she grows up and takes responsibilities for herself before she thinks she can take care of her children, and it seems as if she will never take that step, then I wouldn't wait for a miracle. The children are the one's that need to be a priority.

Your cousin, that passed, must have been a wonderful women and her grandkids will have good memories of her. It seems as if there was a large support group for getting together and making the final arrangements. That says to me that there will be alot of that love to go around for the children.

Keep your head up and someone once told me when I was going through a bad time, to take it one day and one breath at a time.

Peace,

MuseMom

I go back and forth between wanting to just give her a swift kick, or give her a big hug and beg her to stop doing this to herself and her children. Her mom would have been so disappointed if she knew everything that has happened. Shawna told Amy that one day Sheila drank 18 beers then drove somewhere with the baby in the car. Just unreal. Shawna's dad is going to let her make the decision where she wants to stay. Sheila has pretty much disowned her, she doesn't want her back. Amy and Tina have said Shawna is welcome there, and if things stay on this same track, I can see Amy trying to get custody of the 2 youngest. It's a big mess. And it's so sad... my cousin basically raised these girls by herself because their dad died when they were little. Sheila should have learned from the example her mother set.

Sometimes you just have to let the parent learn the hard way. Reality can bite them in the butt eventually. The kids will be the ones to suffer, but it seems as if this is something that is still in the beginning stages. It's not too late for the parent to get it together and pick up where she left off. She has a lot of work to do to gain back the respect.

DCMerkle

Sheila is with a man that thinks its okay to knock her around. And she's choosing him over her kids. Her youngest belongs to this man. When she got together with him, he convinced her to move in with him and just leave everything behind. Her home, her business, her furniture, absolutely everything. Amy told me that if Sheila leaves him, she could fit all of her and the kids possessions in her car. That's really sad in my opinion. She had a really good business built up, Amy worked for her. She walked away and pretty much just left Amy to do it all. Finally she told her she could have it (and all the stack of bills that came with it), all she wanted was the business name and phone number. So, Amy changed the name, got a phone, and paid the bills. She and Tina are running it now, Sheila doesn't even have an income source now besides child support and any money her *boyfriend* tosses her way. I just talked to Amy a couple of days ago, and she told me one of the very last things her mom said to Sheila was to ask her to stop the drinking. I don't think she knew about the drugs. :(

No woman should stay with a man that abuses her. If he hits her, he's just as likely to hit the children. Maybe he is encouraging her bad habits, maybe thats why she stays. Bottom line is, you cannot help her until she wants to be helped.

Unfortunately we cannot make decisions for other adults as much as we would like to. I totally understand why the 12 year old feels the way she does after all I would not want to someone to tell me I look like someone who is never there for me, or is a drug addict. I would want to be nothing like that. All I can say is to try and be there for those kids they really need to know that someone really does care. That is really all you can do for them.

That is quite sad. *hugs* In my family there is my mother (oldest) and her two sisters (youngest from another father), her full sister has been through alot and we worry about her all the time. Its sad when weeks before my son was born, she came to visit and the first words out of her mouth were "Who has some percocet for me". :(

She has gotten into the stripping scene (which I'm not putting them down), but many get into the scene for good reason, and then get caught up in all the mess - this is what lead to her slow self destruction. She is already bi-polar, and I'm sure there is no drug that D.A.R.E. teaches about that she has not already abused to the point of almost overdose. We have to pray for these people, so they have strength to get back to the self they need to be for their families, and for their life to end up meaning something good, rather than only regrets.

First hugs to you, as we can all tell you are stressed over this ordeal, that of course, has sprouted up at the worst timing ever possible. :)

Second, it is sad to know that people are still like this in life, and they are not well enough mentally to realize they either need help with their lives, or that they need someone else to care for their children. It bothers me a ton on the subject of drugs. My mother and father both drank, and my younger sister has been off and on so many different legal and illegal drugs, it is hard to keep up. I feel for these people, though when they do not even attempt to change their life for the better, and continue to make the same mistakes without trying to make it better - that saddens me, and makes me angered.

Well it all blew up this time. I guess Sheila's jerk boyfriend became really abusive this week. She's in a women's shelter, and now Amy and Tina have all 4 of Sheila's kids. It took them two days to find the baby because that one actually belongs to the jerk boyfriend and he hid him. The good news is Sheila is FINALLY getting couceling, an officer is going to take her to get her and the kids personal belongings from the house, and she will get help getting an apartment for her and the kids and getting her life back on track. I'm just praying he'll leave her alone and let her move on. Hopefully it's not too late for her with her oldest two.

I'm surprised the state is going to let her have the kids even if she gets her own appartment. I'd think they'd make her go through a period of being clean before awarding her the children back.