My husband is disabled. He lost his left leg as a result of a blood disorder. When our sons were young, there wasn't a lot he could do with them. Part of this was his choice in not wanting to do some of the things they enjoyed (video games, childrens board games etc.) and expecting them to enjoy the things he wanted to do with them (fishing, sports, car stuff). He is almost completely confined to bed now and for most of our children's lives, he spent more time in bed than out. This also contributed to lack of time spent with the kids.


Because of these things, no bond was ever really formed between them. Now that they're teenagers and it's typical that teenage boys and their dads have conflicts, usually there's that bond that keeps them close enough to survive these inevitable conflicts. The end result in this case is, my sons have a low opinion of their dad and think he feels the same about them. I know this must have emotional effects on them, but fortunately they are mostly happy, emotionally sound kids. At least as much as a teenager can be anyway.


My point is, it's necessary for the parent to do whatever it takes to establish that important bond when the child is young. It only gets harder as they grow up. Then it's too late. Even though I know my husband loves both boys, he'll never enjoy the return of affection and closeness with them that I treasure. I hope no one else deprives themselves of this because they lack the initiative to do things with their children even if they don't like the activity.

This is why when my grandson is over, I don't try to do the things I normally do. I stop and do the things he wants to do. It's surprising sometimes, how much fun you can have when you stop acting like a grown up, and start acting like a 4 year old. The problem is you don't see that you can have so much fun before you square your shoulders and just do what the kids want... You have fun in spite of yourself. I feel sorry for your husband. I hope some day he can salvage some semblance of a relationship with his son's.

When I think back on it now, I know my dad must have really gotten tired of playing dolls and tea party with me. But he was always a good sport. Always ready to play. He even bought me some makeup and clothes after I came home from a friends house and was telling him how much fun we had playing dress up with her mother's stuff.

I know he loves me and he's happy I'm me, but I'm sure there were times he thought how much easier it would be if I had been a boy.

That is so cute clueless. He sounds totally awesome and just like my dad!! My daddy was really lucky though, I just wanted to play with his tools and records and help him fix cars and stuff :D

I really wish more parents, male or female would think about the bonding experience. Sometimes since my boy is my first, I probably over due it, but he is still little right now, so I'm not really trying to spoil him or anything. He gets attention from everyone in the family which is great, and took quite a liking to my little brother who is now off in the war. When I think of all the fun times those two shared before my bro left, I just know for the reason of coming back to see his first nephew is something he holds close to him. Bonding is something that many miss out on, and its really sad. I wish more people would grow up and realize how important it is for mother, father and all that are around the child. Its something that child will always remember.

That’s true kiico. But some people get so caught up in their own lives and problems, they don’t see the impact they have on others. Sometimes it’s hard to remember every life we touch goes on to touch other lives. The effect we have on one person, effects many others as well.