I remember when my grandfather died, I was told that he had gone to heaven. My concept of heaven was (excuse the pun) cloudy, but I knew that it had to be a good place. I went to Catholic school, so I figured if the priest and nuns went there, then my grand dad would be okay.

If you have young one and one of the grandparents pass, how do you tell them?

MuseMom

It's always been the same way in my family. It's really the easiest way to explain it to a child. My cousin's little boy was 3 when his uncle died. A couple days after that, her little one was out on the porch with binoculars looking up at the sky. She asked him what he was doing and he told her he was looking for uncle Tony up in heaven. I think children knowing the person has gone to a good place keeps them from being scared.

When my grandmother died I was told the same thing, but I wasn't allowed to go to the viewing or the funeral. I never thought that was fair. As I got older, I could see that not going to the viewing may have been a little too much for a 6 year old, but there was no reason to not have been able to go to the funeral.

seeker

It really depends on the situation, I think. My uncle passed when my children were 4 and 5. They got the heaven thing. Not too long after he passed, his favorite pug dog passed also. The first thing that my daughter said was that she was glad that Uncle Robert had his best friend with him.

DCMerkle

When my grandmother died I was told the same thing, but I wasn't allowed to go to the viewing or the funeral. I never thought that was fair. As I got older, I could see that not going to the viewing may have been a little too much for a 6 year old, but there was no reason to not have been able to go to the funeral.

seeker

I can understand not taking small children to a funeral. After explaining that somebody has "gone to heaven" and telling them what a beautiful place heaven is, I'm not sure they'd understand why everyone at the funeral was so sad. Their young minds think about when they go to vacation at somewhere beautiful nobody is sad, so why are they sad now? I think they need to be a little older to understand what death really is. Not to mention they've been told someone went to heaven, they're going to see them in the coffin and say "they didn't go anywhere, they're up there sleeping". A funeral at a very early age could easily just confuse them or scare them.

So what is the best way of explaining to a very young child what is death?

When I was 6, my grandfather died and until now I miss him for he is my favorite person in the world. He is very kind to everyone and very humble. When he died, my mother explained to me that my grandfather is just sleeping and when Jesus comes, he will rise up again and be with my grandfather again. This is the belief of the religion of my family and I ask her, "can you wake him up because I want to say goodnight?" My mother had the mixed emotions of laughing and crying.

I would be horrified to have to explain death to a very young child. If you say "very" young and mean like a tender age they really can't comprehend the meaning, I would soften it up with something like a great big "insert persons favorite place" in the sky.

I remember my gram passing away when I was 7. I decided to not attend the funeral, and my mother left me at the neighbors (had a girl my age, best friend, etc.).

I remember waking up (I had planned to stay the entire night), in a (yes its true) Crayola Crayons sleeping bad, at about 3am, and going "I want to go home now", I must have woken my entire friends family that night.

Its really hard to explain death to a very young and delicate mind. If I were to explain the passing of a family member to a very young child, I would just tell that the family member who died have just gone to a very very long vacation and we might not see him for a very long time. Time will come when that child will absolutely know about death and that's the time you could remind him/ her of the death of the family member.

I am lucky enough to still have bothmy grandparents. I only had one set. I am 25 years old and still don't know how I will deal with it when one of them is gone. I have lost friends in high school and was sad about that, and cannot imagine if it was one of my grandparents.I don't know that any age is easy to explain the situation to.

It's very difficult, especially if the child has had close contact with the grandparent. My own experience was a little easier because we lived hundreds of miles away from both sets of parents so although our children knew them and enjoyed their occasional visits to them, they were so used to not seeing the grandparents for great lengths of time that when they died the children expressed 'sadness' but then got on with their lives.

I work in a primary school and recently a child of 7 lost a grandparent. He's not the first and he won't be the last but I was struck at how each child in the school that I've known has lost a grandparent has handled the loss. Usually, they express sadness, are encouraged to talk about their grandparent when they want to, but generally they are quite happy at school and seem not to be overly upset once the funeral etc is over.

The little boy of 7 I referred to has been off school for almost 4 weeks since the loss of his grandpa. From what I've seen of his mother, she goes in for high drama and she would ring the school to explain why her child was not coming in 'because he's not handling his grandpa's death very well'. I suspect it's more the case the she is enjoying making much of the attention her parent's death has generated and now she's is projecting her own feeling of grief onto her child.

Personally, I think the child would recover better if he was at school with his classmates. As it is, I think he's being forced to express grief day after day!
Surely that can't be healthy?

That could never be healthy and I fulled agree with you there, its quite scary thinking about it and its possible maybe someone should visit the house to make sure all is okay or the woman is over exaggerating the issue at hand.

No, we wouldn't visit the house! Both parents are at home and there is a younger sibling. The mum is a very 'vociferous' type - often on the phone with long and complicated messages for one thing or another! She's also a bit abrasive so it'd be a brave person who went to her house!

I just think it's a case of if she's feeling bereaved (which is natural) then she is determined to project her own feelings onto the child. I think she probably feels she's grieving, therefore the child must be feeling the same. Let's face it, given half a chance a child will stay off school if they know they are going to get lots of treats at home. She would only have to say to him in the morning before school "Are you feeling sad today?" and of course, he would agree and so he gets another day off school.

I haven't been in school this week except for this morning so I must find out if he's returned yet. Will let you know!