Last night was my oldest nieces birthday party at my mother-in-laws house. While we were there my husband was a good uncle and took his turn at holding the new baby (we have three nieces from his sister) until she stated drooling. On the way home he remarked he was worried about her development because she was bobbing her head and staring off into space at nothing. Our oldest niece has problems forming letters and is left handed (I think they are probably related) and the middle is mildly autistic although much better than she was at 2yrs when we noticed it. Our youngest niece is 8 weeks old, give or take a week, so I figure she might still be a bit young for that kind of thing. So my question is at what age do babies start focusing their eyes and holding their head up on their own?

Between one and two months old the baby should start focussing her eyes. If she isn't doing to now, I assume they already missed her 2 month well baby visit? Give it a month and call the doc.

Head control comes later. At 2 months you would expect a baby to be able to hold up their head, albeit wobbly for a short time. By three to four months the baby should be able to hold the head in line with the body when raised from his back by his arms. So don't worry about that one yet.

I have no idea about her doctor's appointments, I haven't seen her since she was two weeks old as my in-laws aren't the best influences to be around and they expect my husband to still be "the man" in their lives and do things like help them move, shovel the walkway if it snows, etc. In return we get no help for the most part and rarely even a gift or a call on holidays. We are expected to get them presents, especially the nieces, even when we were both out of work for a month and living off our meager savings. I assume she went, since she has free healthcare through the state, but I don't personally know or want to know.

My husband is mostly worried because the latest baby has a different father than the first two. His sister is only related to him by their shared mom, but if all three kids are mentally or developmentally effected he is worried our kids might be if we have kids. We were hoping this baby might turn out differently based on the different DNA, and he doesn't really know enough about the family medical history to know which parent might be the carrier for the abnormalities, but it worries him and it breaks his heart to watch them know they are different.

I can understand your concern and I would say that it is valid. If this latest child has issues too then even more so.

I would suggest in your case that you talk to your OB about getting with a genetic counsellor. They can advise you about risks of having certain conditions pass to your own children.

I'm in no hurry, lol. I'd prefer to wait till we own our own home and are financially secure. I know thats not likely to happen so I'll settle for 30lbs lighter and in shape before I have kids. I will definitely be looking into a genetic counselor. First I've ever heard of them.

I was worried for the same thing. Between myself and siblings, lets see. The oldest my sister has some eye trouble from birth, somehow related to my mothers side of the family, dyslexic and left handed. I have eye issues for reasons I would rather not get into right now, but I also remember learning a bit slower than others in school. My younger brother had the same type of issues, but was hyper up to his late teens, in the past few years he has finally calmed down abit. Non of us were ever tested or anything, and my boyfriend is as healthy as he could be, but I still worry about our son, he is not even a year yet, developing from what I can tell normal/average, but a mother never stops worrying.

I actually think that you are better of than most parents. Because of your family situation you are more in tune to things that are not right, not normal. You are looking out for things that other parents might not be, and that is, for your child, excellent.