VTGal

My husband and I have been having problems for a while now, and they are nothing I can fix (though I have tried). Only he can fix this problem (gambling addiction) and he has refused to. I am left here to contemplate leaving him. My question to you single moms who have gone through a separation and divorce is how did you help your children cope?

meri

It will always be hard to deal with no matter the age of the child and I am sure there are couseling places avalible to help you. Have you tried looking for support groups in your area?

LoveMaGirl

My daughter was six months old when I left her violent father, so she has never known him. He didn't want her, has said he wants no relationship now or ever with her. That kind of makes it easier in some ways, and harder in others.

It really depends on the age of the kids I think.

Mommy2Five

Divorce is very hard on children. Bluntly put, it shatters their entire world. Everything they have held secure is gone. And it also messes with their self esteem and sense of security. "If their mom and dad can stop loving each other, whats the say they won't stop loving their child as well" is what they are thinking. Do not ever think that children can just get over a divorce. It will be something they deal with all their lives, even if they say they are over it. It will show up in their own marriages, or their fear of marriage. It will show up literally at the wedding when they deal with how to honor both parents without upsetting one or the other. Who will they invite to be present at their children's births? Who comes to the birthday parties? Who is there on Christmas morning? And while they are still children...whose house will they be at on Christmas morning? With whom do they spend their birthday? Who will sit through the night with them when they are sick? What if they want BOTH parents at the same time? Things like that aren't as easy to get over as we would like them to be. It will require years and years of counseling and it will never truly be ok for them.

I say this as a child of divorced parents and as a parent of 4 when I divorced. My oldest was 5 when that happened. He is now 15 and still has issues with it. He likes my new husband, and he hates his dad's girlfriend. Does he still wish something would happen to cause us to get back together? You bet ya he does! I still wish my parents would have gotten back together and they divorced 30 years ago!!

So consider if your children are worth a few more shots at solving the problem. Everything is solvable, except sometimes abuse. That is one situation where I wouldn't take any chances, the damage done to children (emotionally if not physically) is far worse than the damage a divorce will do.

katie

I agree with Mommy2Five. My parents divorced when I was six and I had two younger sibs. It was hard on all of us. When my dad remarried, my younger brother would hide our stepmom's clothes because he was afraid she would leave too. (He was five, sister was 3 and I was 7 when dad remarried.) Please, please think it through before you do anything. Divorce can cause problems for the kids that can last a life time, not to mention for you and your husband.

gixgirl06

Hi, I'm new here. I'm in the process of divorcing my exhusband, we've been separated for 2 yrs. now. Now, he's not the father to my baby. I met this guy in Dec. & I thought he was the best guy in the world, needless to say I found out he's hooked on prescription pills & we are no longer together. After he left about 1 month ago, I found out I was pregnant by him. I don't think he wants part of this baby. He has 2 other kids by his exwife where he is living again. Loser!

susan123

hi gixgirl
how u manage yourself after losing your husband.

Marissa

My sister is going through this right now. She found out that her husband was having an affair, and her youngest is almost 18 months.
I agree that it's probably hard any time, but she is having her oldest go to counseling. I think it's helped my niece out a lot (she's 4).