cutebaby

I am going steady with with my girlfriend for 4 years already and we have a plan to get married after 1 more year because both of us are helping our respective families financially.

Now her mother is really a pain-in-the-a** in terms of emotional dealings with her. She instantly would make simple things into arguments. My girlfriend knows about her mother's attitude but I don't like to have a mother-in-law like her.

Do you think I should tell her this thing or not? If I will tell her, I know she would react very negatively for she is her mother and I can do nothing about it. If I will not tell her, I might have to deal with it for the rest of my life. What do you think is a better option?

kidatheart

Everyone has to deal with in laws, thats just a part of the bundle you get to deal with. I think you should be honest, its always the best policy.

stuffabunny

Just because your in-laws might suck is no reason to worry. You are marrying your girlfriend and not her mom. Start making boundaries now to help out. Make her understand that always causing arguments will lead to her not being contacted unless necessary and missing out on casual invites to your home. If she calls and starts a fight, calmly tell her that its not appropriate and hang up. Do not pick up the phone when/if she calls back and if you have to don't answer the door if she shows up demanding an apology. Try using "I" statements. When you insert behavior here I feel insert feeling here. For example:when you fight with me I feel like you don't respect me and it hurts me. Or when you cause chaos in our lives for no reason it makes me very angry. Tell her the consequences if she continues her actions such as not calling or interacting with her until she is willing to try to not fight.

We've had to do this with both our moms to some degree and the good new is they do learn. But you have to decide what the boundary is and stick with it. I've always been very firm that if you are going to come into my home or call me on my phone and waste my time or harass me you will be put in your place. I don't take disrespect from anyone, and my family should respect me more than a casual stranger.

Nana Lori

I've always been a firm believer that we have to handle our own parents FIRST. In other words it is your girlfriends JOB to handle her Mother, not yours. She should tell mom, 'you're crossing the line here and you need to stop it'. I think you should have frank conversations with your girlfriend about her mother, then let her handle her mom, and discuss with girlfriend, what you are to do/say to her mother should she continue. It is very important that you both be on the same page/team where this (and anything else) is concerned. Now, if girlfriend won't, different story. But I would be very careful about what I say to mom-in-law-to-be without first going thru the scenerio with girlfriend. That old saying about 'I'm the only one that can kick my dog' holds true and fast, and you'll find that out the hard way if you don't fully discuss the possiblities (of a confrontation) first! Good luck! (and btw, i've been married 30 years, so brother i know of wense I speak! )