dad of the year

All of the grandparents seem to have the opinion that it is their duty to spoil the grandchild. I know these people, they're not kidding around, once the baby is old enough there will be an overabundance of presents, cash, etc. If he says I WANT, these adults will trip over each other to see who can get it to him first. How can we keep our son from getting spoiled? His grandparents will do this out of love, but it's us as parents who are going to have to deal with the brat they make of him. We've tried talking to them, but they just laugh and tell us thats what grandparents are for. He's already got a room full of toys. More toys than he'll ever be able to play with at this age range, we're thinking of donating some to charity. But right now he doesn't understand the spoiling concept (thank goodness). I'd welcome any advice here.

seekerladyblue

Spoiling your grandchild is a unspoken tradition in just about everything, but I do have to say that sometimes it can go a little too far. My mother would buy all the big ticket items that our kids wanted that we knew we would have to squeeze in after the bills could be paid. We came to an agreement. We would discuss what our kids wanted and we would give it to them on a birthday or at Christmas only if we could give her half of what the total was.

The punishment issue was another thing. If our kids were grounded and they were supposed to go out with grandma for the day or the weekend, that was out as well. At first she would take it personal, but we got her to agree to go along with us and make the kids understand that they were the only ones losing out.

It's a hassle to get everyone all on the same page, but it does eventually work out.

seeker

rose

I know what happened when my own mother spoiled my children, the rules never seemed to apply at home life after they had been with Nana. It is a pain to deal with, I think a good many do not intentionally split their grand babies, but sometimes they are just so cute you cant help yourself.

I also think there is a big different between spoiling and trying to make your grandchild your own child.

cutebaby

I also seem to notice this kind of attitude by grandparents, whatever culture it may be, I'm from the Philippines. I could attest to it because I like my grandparents more than my parents when I was in my elementary years. My grandparents would give me everything I want and they would always have time to play with me. While my parents will come home at night and just say goodnight if ever I am still awake.

HoneyMuffin

Awe, that is so sad cutebaby. My parents would sometimes just be overworked and tired but they really tried. I still missed them a lot, but I never questioned my value to them. My grandma I never met she died before I was born, but my grandpa always spoiled me rotten. I'm not a brat though, I don't think I ever was really. Just spoiled, and loved to death. I think every parent really loves their babies, but sometimes life is overwhelming, and the babies are taken for granted and frustrating because they tend to mean mommy and daddy still can't rest. It's so sad.

PurpleFDU

We plan to put our foot down if we ever have children. My mother-in-law is already more of a mother than my sister-in-law when she's around my newest niece (about a week old now) and it makes me sick. Yes grandma is supposed to dote and help out when she's over, but insisting on doing everything isn't healthy for the mother/child bond. Neither is providing for them when it comes to what they want. The parents' responsibility to teach that work and effort pay off and you can't always have what you want it more important today than when we were kids. We figure extras can be kept in a closet or attic and dispersed throughout the year if they insist on over-giving at holidays. Once older our child could decide if they wanted to donate to charity instead. And if our parents don't want to play by our rules, they will only be allowed to visit our house empty handed. I've worked hard on setting up boundaries on appropriate behavior now that I have my own home, and I'm not letting them down now. I'm not afraid to throw out "gifts" to make my point either, lol.

alexis

I still agree that you need to spoil kids abit, by parents grandparents whoever. Once they grow up and realize how much being an adult sucks (and sometimes you all know, it really does) will take the fun outta it. I try and act 4 at least 3x a day so I don't go stir crazy.

cutebaby

Its a good idea to spoil kids but not so much that they would be used to it and disciplining them would be a hard process. I remember when I was little, my grandfather would take me to the department store and buy any toy I want. But before that, I must behave myself and no mischiefs done for a week. That way, I would think of the toy and I should be good for the rest of the week. I grew up to be like that, I would do something good first before getting what I want.

The problem with too much spoiling of kids is that when they don't get what they want, they would start to have tantrums. They would only stop their tantrums once they get what they wanted.

Nana Lori

I think we grandparent spoil these grand babies for a few reasons, first and foremost we can finally afford it ! And couldn't with our own as much. We spoiled our children as much as we could. But there is a distinct difference in a child who is spoiled and a brat. Just because the child gets a lot of things (spoiled) doesn't mean we would (or will from the grandbabies) tolerate bad or bratty behavior. Make sense?

LittleV

I have always been an only child and know how grandparents can be. Don't get me wrong, I loved it and still do, but I noticed that alot of the things my parents were buying for my 'only one' were unnecessary and inpractical. So, I decided that if they were going to spoil my child anyway, I might as well help them pick out what they are going to buy.

So I have a gift registry for my son. When my parents want to buy him something they go to the registry and get him something he actually needs. At first they felt a little weird but now they spend less on items that are more worth it.

I use myregistry.com for the gift registry because I can add any gift I want from any store. There are other sites like this though, that you can have a registry for whatever you want- even way after the shower.