Chrissy

My coworker went off on maternity leave on Friday, by Monday we were informed that she had her baby and then on Tuesday we heard the baby died. I don't know what to say to her. I am not a very close friend but I can understand the obvious pain she is going through. I don't know what to say.

MooMama

First up I would try and find a way to offer your condolences. If you are not close then flowers might be appropriate, and a card.

Next would be dealing with seeing her in person. Don't use any of the common phrases like; he's in a better place because the mother will be feeling that there was no better place than in her arms. Nor things like I know how you feel, because you don't, or that there was something wrong with the baby so it's best. Not that I think you would but these are things I have commonly heard said.

Just be yourself. Tell her you are very sorry for her loss, and that she is in your thoughts, and perhaps ask if there is anything she needs or that you can do for her. She's unlikely to take you up but, if you are an outsider she might just need a shoulder to cry on and people are often more comfortable with people not directly linked to the situation.

Don't avoid her-that will just make her isolation even worse.

boyohboy

My advice, don't try to outwardly avoid her. That will make it seem like something she shouldn't talk about. Don't pretend you know how she feels, no one can know, unless they've been through it.

Really, I'd simply say "I'm sorry for your loss". Acknowledge her loss but don't overplay it. Nothing will help right now and just knowing someone is thinking of her will help greatly. When she is further into the grieving, let her talk about her baby. She will need to know that people know this baby was special, even in it's short time here.

Aboyade

I would simply ask if she needs anything. That will indicate you are aware of her loss and are available to be of support without pushing any buttons. It was not until my mother passed that I understood how empty the words "I can imagine what you're going through" (a typical response) were. Unless you actually have the experience, there truly are no words available that will really make a difference. It is action that speaks loudest.

KateWantsAnother

Oh how terrible. I used to visit a pregnancy loss board, not quite the same thing, but we all felt like the best thing people could say was "I'm sorry for your loss". I'm so sorry for your coworker, that is something no mother should ever have to face.

Cham

It changed my mood right now. I'm thinking what would I feel if ever I will lose my baby now. I don't want to think about it.

But as for your co-worker, the others have said it already, just tell her that you are truly sorry for the loss of her child. Also tell her that you are there to help her in anything. Knowing that people do care for you makes you feel better already.

neueronkel

Ohh, this is really terrible. There is nearly nothing you can do. My opinion: Be honest and tell her that you feel really sorry and tell her that if she wants something, she just has to ask.

3littlecuties

How horrible!!! You are very sweet to be concerned for her.

First, do not say nothing out of fear of saying the wrong thing. Many people just avoid the bereaved, and it's the worst thing to do. Send a card, or call her, because people probably aren't calling her very much. And continue to follow up with her, call again a few weeks later. When people are dealing with a traumatic situation, sometimes they need to talk and talk about it, and listeners can not be welcoming to the repetition.

MichelleG

I would give her a call in a week or so. Express your condolences and offer to bring a meal over, or pick up some groceries for her, babysit for her if she has any other children, etc.