Licoriceky2

Ok guys, I am new here, but I am in need of some unbiased opinions. I am 28 and expecting our first child, after seven years of marriage and a lot of trying. I am currently about 6.5 months along and one of my friends, the only friend thus far to speak up, offered and is putting together a baby shower for me. However I have a situation now, that I need some advise on.
Background- This women, my “friend” (whom I will refer to as Betty) has known me for almost 9 years. During this time, we have had a rocky friendship, to the point where during the nine years; there were several periods where we did not speak, one for about two years. Betty works hard for a living, is about 40 years old, and although she is married, she has no children, and can be very blunt and rude and makes no apologies for same, not to mention she always feels like she is “right”.
I was raised by well to do parents, and honestly, I did not want for much growing up. After marriage, I quickly learned the value of money and debt, and my standards of living were drastically different. My parents are not longer living, and the lifestyle I once enjoyed growing up is gone. While my husband and I still enjoy a middle class lifestyle, “Betty” perceives me to be very snobbish and “uppity”. My husband, who was raised fairly poor, and considers himself a Kentucky “Redneck” cannot stand “Betty” and feels that not only is she rude and inconsiderate, but she always belittles me and uses me.
To the present – “Betty” has planned on throwing me a diaper shower in November/December for about 20-25 of my closest friends. I have expressed my happiness and enthusiasm to her on several occasions, and although I cannot honestly say she would have been my top choice of friends to throw me a shower, thus far she has been the only one to offer and she has shown a great deal of enthusiasm to do same. During the last few weeks “Betty” has mentioned that she is going to invite her friend “Robin” to my shower. I know “Robin” but I cannot say that we are friends, only acquaintances from many years ago. She (Robin) does not particularly care for me nor do I particularly care for her. When I asked “Betty” why “Robin” was invited or coming, she stated on both occasions, “Because she is my friend and she wants to be nosey and make fun of you”. I felt uncomfortable about this situation, but I withheld any comment, hoping that she was just trying to “push my buttons” so to speak. Nothing else was said or brought up about this until this past Saturday.
I met “Betty” in the local mall to spend some “girl time” with her. From the very beginning of meeting her at the mall, she starting belittling me, from things such as “so how many are you going to pop out?”, to “really, you have only gained that little weight? You look like have gained so much more”…so on and so forth. As you can imagine, I was getting pretty peeved and looking for a way to escape. However before I did she looked at me as were walking and said “So Robin is going to get you a book for your baby shower”. I looked at her and said “Ok…what kind of book?A story book or like a guest book?” “Betty” looked back at me and said “Well you have two choices on the book…the first book is called “Mommy, What is Divorce” and the second is called “How to Explain to a Child About Their Self Absorbed Parents”. To say that least I was shocked! I looked at “Betty” and I said “ You’re kidding, right?” to which she replied, “No, I am dead serious”. I stopped walking and I looked at “Betty” and I said “If Robin does that, I will call her out on that in front of everyone, that is beyond rude that she would give me a book like that at a baby shower”. Well “Betty” stopped walking and she said to me “You will not say a %&^&# word about the books, you will smile and go on. I am hosting this shower, at my house, my party, and Robin and my friend and you will keep your %^#$%^ mouth shut”. I looked at “Betty” and said “Betty I do not have a problem with Robin attending, but regardless of who it is, giving those kind of books to someone is just bluntly rude and I do not care what you think, but Yes, I will call her out on it”. Well Betty came right back, got up in my face (I would never confront someone like this) and told me “If you want this $%^#$ shower, you will $%^$ keep you mouth shut and if you so much as dare to open your mouth and say anything rude to Robin, I will put you down, embarrass you, and throw you out of your own shower! Do you #$%#$%@# hear me? You think you are so much $#%^@#%$^ better than everyone else, and I am the only one going to give you a shower and you are about to blow that. One more word, and its over!” She kept on with this language for about two minutes.
Well at that point I walked away from her, I did not say anything else, and I eventually found her about 20 minutes later. Nothing else was said, I just told her I was leaving.
Here is my dilemma – Am I wrong for being upset about the “gifts”? (No, my husband and I have not had the perfect marriage, but who has? We sought counseling and have been much better the last several years and are thrilled for this miracle that we never expected).
I truly do not want “Betty” to give me a shower at all. I would rather not have one, than to have her do one and act this way, and put me down at my own shower (which is historically how she acts when there are others involved regardless of this new drama over the gifts). What do I do? I know she has already spent about $50 on some decorations/gifts, however nothing else has been purchased or sent out?
I have not called her nor emailed her, as I do not know what to do or say. I do appreciate the fact that she is/was willing and able to try and give me a shower, and I feel bad if I tell her “No” on the shower as now she has already bought these items, which are not returnable (most are yard sale finds).
Help me – what do I do? I thank you in advance for any advise you can offer and I apologize for the long post.

CutiePatootie

You are so NOT wrong to be upset, and I would be inclined to tell her "Thank you for the thought, but I'm afraid I must decline your offer to host a shower." And if she says anything else, just repeat the preceding sentence calmly, as many times as it takes to get it through to her.

She can have a yard sale herself, if she chooses not to go ahead and give you the items, or she can find someone who doesn't care about the strings she attaches to things to whom she can give them.

And if some of your other friends don't come through with a shower for you, well, you wouldn't be the first person to not get a shower, even though it would be sad that your friends don't seem to want to celebrate this new life with you.

If I were one of your local friends, I'd be reluctant to attend a shower hosted by someone like that, I think!

AmandaBuckley

yeah, the shower prob happend already. Cutiepatootie, the post was over a year ago.